Hello World! Why Do I bother?
Thank you for making it to here!
You might be wondering: "Why bother writing a blog, you are no writer. You only share drawings online without context, who would even bother to read?" I hear you, that's the question I had before all this. Is it even meaningful to do this?
The reason that I am making this blog is to detox myself, to rethink what I should be offering to my audience as an artist and to recondition myself. I am not sure if it's a good strategy, but I think I need to start somewhere.
Throughout the years, social media has become part of our life. It's not easy to imagine a world without it, especially for the younger generation that grew up with it.
There has been a time... months or maybe years wherein I feared to say that my emotions have been a rollercoaster. Due partly to personal, but mostly societal issues. So much injustice, so many heartbreaking feelings, so many sleepless nights, so much anger within. All these social issues happen and are still happening. That's a hard fact. Social media adds fuel to the nonstop upsetting news in real time, to remind me how this world is not worth living. Just by typing this I already feel the toxicity and negativity. I found I couldn't do anything but keep scrolling and keep feeling shittier and shittier. It's exactly what social media is designed for. It's somehow a narcissist, but as a program, fed on people's emotional reactions. It wants people's attention, even negative (which in many ways is more powerful).
Thoughts were getting darker and darker. I figured the toxicity was gradually deepening. I was supposed to move to Berlin to start a new life, not to live my life constantly feeling hopeless. After a couple of good reads, I finally decided "Screw it!" I quit Facebook this year during the Covid lockdown, and I have to say it was one of the best decisions I've ever made, and a good first step. Here is avideo of Channel 4 News' interview with Jaron Lanier, talking about how social media ruins your life.
But to be honest, the damage has been done. After so many not-so-productive months due to my mental capability, getting back on track is really, really hard. Though I have quit the personal part, I'm still using Facebook and Instagram to share art. As an "online artist", part of my job is to combat the ever changing social media algorithm. It is totally my weakest point. I don't think I have a very relatable online persona, the algorithm favours engagement, and it's the part that I am unable to grasp. On top of that, the amount of work you need to invest just to keep up with the algorithm really consumes the bulk of one's time. Time I should be focusing on improving my art. Truly, kudos to anyone who manages to keep up with everything, but for me, it has pushed me to realise my own limits and reconsider my priorities.
When I want everything, I lose everything.
I am very grateful to the people still enjoying my art. For that and for myself, I should detox and learn to live a real life, to regain my mental and dedicate more of myself to making more satisfying art.
Finally I know that I am not the writing type, this might not be as valuable as other, more skilled writers' blogs. My thoughts are quite messy and overall I am quite chaotic. Once again, it's a self help blog that I plan to treat as another space to arrange my thoughts, share my ideas, and my work. A final bonus would be the possibility of being able to connect and share with like-mind people :).